Wait, There’s More to the Story of Prince Harry’s Frostbitten Groin

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You might have already read recently about how Prince Harry’s “todger” was in pain during his brother Prince William’s wedding to Kate Middleton in 2011. This was one of the more reblogged details when the royal’s memoir, Spare, began leaking last week ahead of its Tuesday publication.

“Upon arriving home I’d been horrified to discover that my nether regions were frostnipped as well, and while the ears and cheeks were already healing, the todger wasn’t,” he writes. “It was becoming more of an issue by the day.”

Harry, it turns out, could not shake off the frost that bit his peter while he walked across the North Pole on a charity trip ahead of his brother’s nuptials. In the book, these two events are intertwined. The lingering loss of his crown jewels intermingled with the more relatable feeling of losing his brother to the next stage of life—the loss of his Willy and (temporarily) his willy makes for an actually provocative and surprising read.

“After being accustomed to having someone at my side, someone to model, I found myself terrifyingly alone,” he writes. “And a eunuch to boot.”

But if there’s one insight we can take from the trials and tribulations of his “nether regions,” it’s that the Duke of Sussex can learn a hard lesson. As he writes, he made plans to take another charity trip after all of the above had played out—this time to the South Pole. He went prepared. 

“Also, this time I’d know how to take proper precautions—snugger underwear, more padding, etc. Better yet, one very close mate hired a seamstress to make me a bespoke cock cushion,” he writes. “Square, supportive, it was sewn from pieces of the softest fleece and… Enough said.”

That’s right. Two stories about royal groin exposed to the elements in one memoir, and only one includes a “bespoke cock cushion.” But don’t get the wrong idea. Harry’s book is 400-plus pages. It’s not members only. The royal wee is but a small piece of a much grander, full-bodied portrait of a man, and that portrait is available wherever you get your books today.

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